Shades of Gray, Ask Norman

Dear Norman – Love, Regret & Death

0 Comments 08 November 2012

Dear Norman,

About 10 times a year, my mother starts talking about dying and death. She is 75 and in good health, but ever since my uncle died she’s been worrying about the afterlife an awful lot. What will happen to her, what she’s done wrong in her life, her “sins” (I have yet to figure out what these were because she doesn’t elaborate, but I’m dying to know, no pun intended), etc.

Then she starts in on my “sins.” Unfortunately, she knows a lot about those puppies. The booze, the drugs, the sex, the sugar after hours. I used to have a pretty great sex life, and I’m afraid I flaunted the details in happier days. My mother believes I am not headed, when I die, to Heaven to party with angels.

I find these “discussions” really painful and humiliating. It makes me sad Norm. I don’t especially want to talk about the Afterlife (I don’t believe in one, to be honest) and I really don’t want her dredging up my former love life, which is basically down to nothing these days, unfortunately, and also embarrassing to have aired in front of my brothers and their wives.

What can I do to stop this?

Unsettled in Ulster

We’re all human and, as such, all have our carnal desires. These “sins” your mother speaks of are savage. They’re unseemly. And they’re inexplicable. If they weren’t we wouldn’t engage in them. As for the airing of your exploits around your kin….well, I suggest embracing it. If you are/were the vixen you claim then perhaps it would be educational and, therefore, much appreciated. We all need a little kick in that area from time to time…particularly when you’re on the wrong side of 50.

And as for knowing your mother’s exploits – leave what’s in the past, in the past. Just know this – I’ve found that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. So…

This business about not partying with angels on a cloud in the kingdom of heaven is ludacris. Get a grip Unsettled.The only angels worth a damn are the Hell’s Angels. And even they were only worth a damn from 1963-74(ish).

Be well, be free and leave death for the dead and the living for the young, fertile bodies that rattle the cages of human desire.


- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.

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