A New Dear Norman!

0 Comments 06 July 2012

Dear Norm,

For starters – first time, long time.

OK, I think my hearing is increasing to super-human levels. Sometimes I lie in bed and hear the ‘psssshhh’ of a can opening and when I go out on my deck to feed the cats I see the person across the street drinking a root beer.

Other times I can hear washing machines on the spin cycle. Perhaps miles away?

Recently I’ve been able to hear my blood circulating through my body. I know its my blood because I can hear the pulsing ubiquitousness long after the Guy Lombardo record has reached the end of side one.

My question(s) are thus:

1. Is this normal?
2. What if I hear something I don’t want to?
3. Is there anything I can be looking for?
4. Do you hate velcro too?


Afflicted Eardrums in Anaheim


Dear Afflicted,

Thanks, always nice to hear from a fan.

Hearing – along with many other senses – can heighten with age. It could be due to the deterioration of other senses or it could be due to an accumulation of excessive amounts of beta carotene. Either way you should cherish the present and accept everything with generosity.

The sentiment brings to mind 1956 in New York City. I was eating crepes with Studs Terkel and he made me painfully aware of the sound of the American Dream deteriorating at an exponential rate. It was a balance between an infant fart and an inflated balloon being let go across a room.

I walked around with that sound in my mind until the Notre Dame/Michigan State football game the following season. It was a sad outing for the Irish and I lost big that day. But in the height of misery and looming despair I realized the sound of the American Dream had left. Later that day I shared a Manhattan with a transsexual at Melvin’s.

The point is we’re not here forever and any stimulation should be put to good use if you’re worth a shit.

So to answer your questions in order:

1. Yes and no
2. Embrace it and create
3. The next thing to be done with
4. I’m not familiar


- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.

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