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0 Comments 29 March 2012

Dear Norman,

I desperately need some advice! I had the strangest thing happen to me earlier this week. I was out walking –  enjoying the weather – on my way to purchase an oreo milkshake when I saw it. It was a pile of human crumpled up on the sidewalk like a misplaced pair of starched khakis. And let me tell you norm, as you can probably imagine…he did not look well.

I can’t say for sure but he might have been dead. But if he wasn’t dead the vultures weren’t far off. Anywho, my question is two part.

1.)    this gentleman had a sign draped over him. It said “Life is ugly but art is beautiful so keep passing by open windows”. I don’t know why but this phrase is very unsettling to me and I’m losing sleep. What does it mean?! I have venetian blinds in my house. Is that a bad thing?
2.)    This man had a box of kittens by his side. After a few nudges with my boot he didn’t move so I took one kitten home. I’ve named him Juan Carlos. Is that ok?

Looking for guidance,

A Little Uncomfortable In Louisville


Dear Little,

First of all, YES. Wholeheartedly. Take that kitten and run! I saw a kitten this morning. I took him. Now he’s sitting in a shoebox under my desk having a BALL with an old stick of Big League chew. This is easily the best Thursday I’ve had in late March in awhile.

Enough about the goings-on of my affairs. As for your homeless man conundrum. He was an artist and had seen too much. Some of us are particularly receptive to the downward flow of dung in this world. Your khaki wearing martyr sipped the curdled milk of disappointment one too many and decided to go to the all-you-can-eat buffet in the sky.

I don’t blame him.

As for the blinds – they’re fine. Any respectable 21st centurion has blinds. Shades are for perverts and mormons, draperies are for Victorians, and no window dressings at all is for school boys.

Awaiting Further Instruction,


- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.

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