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Incandescence Within the Shadows of the Mind: Part 1

0 Comments 28 November 2011

Incandescence Within the Shadows of the Mind:  Part 1
I woke up this morning prepared for the greatest interview of my life.  Let’s see what I can get out of this guy.  That was the thought in the weeks leading up to today.  So much planning went into this, let’s get started.
    I sat down with myself at a little breakfast joint known as the Morning Think-tank.  It’s a good seat on the bad side of town and i there to answer all of the tough questions I had for myself.
“What did you pick up this morning for durability throughout the day?”
Same thing I pick up everyday, a blueberry muffin and a chocolate milk.
Let’s get right down to it, what makes you tick?
Well that’s easy, a undying love of casual slacks and white wine spritzers.
I figured that would be the answer, it’s pretty obvious when looking at your daily routine.  What are you up to right now?  If this interview session wasn’t happening where would you be and what would you be doing?
    I’d probably be somewhere working on siesta’s.  I see siesta’s taking over formal napping.  I’ve taken the napping world as far as it’s going to go.  The last few months have been really great.  I’ve completely mastered the reverse diagonal.  It doesn’t get any better than that when it comes to napping.
For those of you who don’t know the reverse diagonal is when you nap in bed with your head at the end that your feet are usually on and well.. then go diagnal.
    I’m ambidextrous too, so I can throw the diagonal left and right.  There’s a lot of technical nuances that surround siesta’s that you wouldn’t think about.  I’m looking forward to the challenge.
“What are you doing to prepare for this endeavor?”
    Right now I’m doing some research and I’m planning a trip to Spain for some  formal training.  I think it will be good to get out there and learn from some of the very best in the game.
 “That sounds good, how long to you anticipate this taking?”
    That I’m not to sure about.  I think I have a pretty good base with napping but I won’t have a timetable until I get out there and get my feet wet.
    “Before we go any further I want to do a little word association drill.  I’ll say a word or phrase and you say the first word, thought or idea that pops in for a visit.”
    OK, shoot.  How many we going to do?
    “We’re going to do 11.”
    11, why 11?
    “Cause everyone else would do 10!”
    1:  Underpants
    Completely unnecessary.  I mean think about all the time you spend every day putting them on and taking them off.
    2:  Sweatpants
    Relaxing.  Just simply relaxing, with or without underpants.
    3:  Table cloths
    Don’t get me started.  I mean what the fuck.  You have to wash it.  Why not just wash the table?  I have a nice table, I don’t have to fucking dress it up.  Well…I guess it gives someone a job.  That’s a good thing about them.  Yeah, I guess I’ll like them because making them gives someone a job.  If I can I’d also like to make giving people jobs the answer to underpants.
    “Sorry, that answer has already been recorded.  No changing it now.”
    4:  The War of 1812
    Old Hickory, enough said.
    5:  Speeds limits (in general)
    You would think with my suberb driving record I’d be a huge fan of the rules of the road but I’m not.  Don’t tell me how fast I need to go.  I know how fast I need to go at every moment I’m driving, I don’t need anybody to dictate that for me.  Through chaos will come order.
    6:  The 19th amendment
    It’s done some good things and some bad things.  I’m not sure what the percentages are but I’m sure they’re somewhere.
    7:  Inertia
    Oh, it’s funny you mention that.  I was talking inertia the other day.  I love it.  If I feel like moving I do.  If I don’t feel like moving I don’t.
    8:  Words
    I love them.  I mean some people make funny faces and don’t like words but I mean if a word makes websters…Shit it should be embraced.  It was a long journey but nice job at becoming accepted.
    9:  Rings
    I’ve actually been looking at my hands a lot lately.  I have some gross deformities and have been harboring some ideas to jazz them up.  I’m thinking about a crescent fresh hand tattoo.  I wouldn’t go with rings.
    Crescent fresh is a term used to desribe something that is extremely cool.  To be used another way, Check out these crescent fresh skulls in my salad. 
    10:  Split ends
    Pantene Pro-V tells me I should be concerned about them and that they are a real menace but I don’t know.  They don’t seem to bother me very much.
    11:  Bad Days
    Who the fuck wants to talk about bad days.  I just had a great day and I’m going to remember it for quite some time. 
    “What happened that made it so great?”
    Nothing!  I did absolutely nothing and it couldn’t have been any better.  Fuck bad days!
    “You know some of those answers were a bit longer than expected.”
    Well they were some real thinkers.  It happens.  I’ll be right back.
     “Where you going?”
    I’m going to take a shit.  This chocolate milk goes right through me.
Incandescence Within The Shadows of the Mind Part 2:  The Unawakening- coming soon
Also, keep your eyes peeled for the outtakes.  It includes a conversation about how critics say formal napping and siesta’s are the same thing.
Pickles McCarksky

- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.

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