Ask Norman

Ask Norman… Pent up in Pittsburgh

0 Comments 27 October 2011

Dear Norman,

I recently moved in with a girlfriend and couldn’t be happier. The biggest problem is that I have a slow metabolism and usually release all the gas that has built up in my body throughout the day during the night. I’ve never farted in front of her before so I usually just hold it in. She thinks I’m constantly hungry because my stomach grumbles all night. I find myself walking around the opposite end of the house all night just trying to release the pressure. I’m losing massive amounts of sleep. What do I do?!

Pent up in Pittsburgh


Dear Pent up,

Relax! Any unneeded stress can aggravate your condition. My advice is to take a leap of blind faith. Tonight, when you’re ready to release you give your girl a good, steamy dutch oven. If she jets, it wasn’t meant to be BUT if she stays…well then, you’ve got yourself a keeper not to mention the type of intimacy that most couples don’t enjoy until well past their 20 wedding anniversary. Thanks for writing.


- who has written 171 posts on The Shade.

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