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Shades of Gray

Pencils Down- Take 2

No Comments 16 June 2015

Reins discusses bird shit and One Direction.

You’ve recently come under fire for your views on bird shit. Tell me about that?

RH– Sometimes I park where there is a tree because it happens to be the closest spot to my dwelling. In the morning, generally speaking, birds sit in the tree and shit on the cars that are parked underneath it. There’s a spot 10 feet back with no tree so the chances of getting shit on are much less. Sometimes that spot is vacant and I park there. Due to the fact that bird shit is a relatively harmless substance I find myself parking under the tree making the informed decision that I may have shit on my car in the morning. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t and I have no issues taking the gamble. It’s not all that disrupting to my day.

But it can be frustrating. What if you had just washed your car?

RH– Are you fucking serious? I don’t waste water like that. The next time it rains I’ll go outside and wipe my car down. It doesn’t bother me all that much. In the morning, every morning, I’d rather hear the gentle songs of some healthy birds and deal with some shit on my car than drive behind some oblivious motherfucker that doesn’t realize their blinker is on.

One Direction is really taking off. How does that make you feel?

RH– Huh? One way streets? I would prefer a roundabout or rotary.

No. The musical group One Direction. They sing songs.

RH– Hmmm. If people are talking about them they probably do something that those people like.

So you’re not into them?

RH– I just found out they are a thing. I’d have to research whatever that thing encompasses before I can accurately provide my opinion. My guess is, since you’re asking me you know I wouldn’t like whatever they do. I haven’t liked a musical accompaniment with a number in their name since The 5 Crescent Fellows disbanded in the late 90’s…or was it The Super Cres 5?

I think they changed to Super Cres after The Fellows broke up.

RH– That’s right. They had a real Jefferson Airplane thing going on there. Anyway, you know I’m pretty content with my Frank Caliendo stand up and live Devo records to get into something new right now.


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