Tag archive for "reins hagglemery"

Shades of Gray

Reins is BACK!

Comments Off on Reins is BACK! 21 June 2016

Well folks, It’s’ nice to hear that TW’s activity induced jaundice was kept shelved with the acquisition of ‘Handshakes’.  I know she was a much welcomed addition to the aging, struggling (with movement) and frequently irritable core in The Shade Athletic Department.

As for myself; 2 weeks ago I was cut from the varsity action adventure team and have finally decided to report to jv camp.
I feel part of the problem at tryouts was this feeling of overall peaklessness that was running through my entire body. The temperate rainforests that I’ve been running through are becoming drab with all of the luscious greenery making swimming in the waterfalls littered throughout the region seem mundane.

I hardly want to jump off of anything into a pool at the base of a fall then drink a beer anymore.  The realization struck me like a dislodged rock to the top of the head. I needed a hill, a big hill and if I could get some scrambled ham & eggin’ in we’d all be better off.

Mt. Thielsen, affectionately  known as ‘the middle finger to the sky’, would be the stage where I begin my ascent to varsity. Standing at nearly 9200 ft with 3700+ ft of elevation gain and a class 4 scramble to the summit providing views of the rim at Crater Lake, Mt Bailey overlooking Diamond Lake, 3 sisters, Diamond Peak, Mt Shasta (McNasty) and some other fucking thing that I didn’t know. All of this on a bluebird day. Yuck.

Besides a few vistas the first 3 miles were below tree line and relatively uneventful. Popping out of the trees it looked like the mountain took an explosive shit as a scree field lay ahead (Kweez/Norm- see Abol Trail). Shortly thereafter I sat on Chicken Ledge and gazed upon the climb to the top. A fun little romp around with hands and feet that were all there.

The stay at the top was long enough for a beer (Worthy IPA) and a view at everything next. The march down was uneventful except for just below the summit where some dipshit informed us he wouldn’t set up his rope until we downclimbed to avoid dislodging rocks above us that might hurl towards our heads and then he started setting up his rope before we were off and dislodged a rock that missed Sean by about 10 ft. I was happy with his decision making abilities. Fuckin moron. Tootles

The Written Word, Short Stories

Remember When….Halftime Speeches Were Full Of Substance?

No Comments 23 August 2012

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon and the Titans had just taken the field for warm-ups in their second game of a highly coveted pre-season tournament at the Tuckertown Sports Complex. They had it all to do.

Senior non-captain Leoj Berth surveyed the field like something out of Greek Mythology, perhaps Dionysis looking for the after party with the best guacamole. The Titans had looked a bit sluggish in their opener and wanted (needed?) a full effort this time out.

As the captains are called out for the coin toss Leoj feels his stomach drop and bolts toward the bathroom for a crap of epic proportions. As he makes his way back – relieved – he notices the game is underway and is anxiously joggs back to take his place on the field.  The dreadful news is turned in to Leoj by assistant coach France Hatchet: “They scored.  We’re down 1-0.”

“What happened?”

“They took the ball right from the kickoff and scored a goal.  Are you ready to go in?”

“Fuck yeah!” cried Leoj.

After Leoj entered the game the Titans attitude began to change from gumdrops and hula-hoop’s to razorblades and vinegar. The Titans were pressing and with the half time whistle approaching they netted the equalizer. Like any team in any sport that goes into a halftime after just tying the game you hope to keep the momentum going and a good speech from your coaches is just the way to do it.

“Ok boys”, France starts off, “First we need to realize how close it is to gametime and plan our bathroom breaks accordingly. You really should know if you have to go to the bathroom before the game starts so you’re not missing any of the game. These aren’t the types of things that just sneak up out of nowhere. STOP DILYDALLYING AND JUST GO ALREADY!”

“Coach, are you referring to the crap I had to take as the game was about to start?” asks Leoj.

“Well, in this instance yes.  But I figured it is something that needs to be addressed before it gets out of hand.”

“I’m 17 and have been crapping on my own now for a good number of years.  Sometimes, like today, craps do kind of sneak up on you. If I hadn’t left when I did I would have had a completely different issue on my hands and in my shorts to take care of. I most certainly would have missed more of the game.” Leoj explains matter of factly.

“It’s ok Leoj.  Craps have been known to sneak up on me from time to time, I think it happens to everybody at least once in their lives.” reassures Chet  L. Nardo, fellow senior non-captain.

Then it was Ryon Yacilogo and Chip Murpy until finally all of the Titans chimed in with the acceptance and realization that any one of them could have been thrust into the same predicament, (do I crap in a toilet and miss a couple of minutes of the game or do I crap in my pants and miss the whole thing), and they began to rise and chant as one. It was then that the ref blew the whistle for the second half to begin.

The opposition looked in disarray throughout the second half and the Titans were able to walk off with the victory. Not only on the scoreboard but internally as they had become the team they knew they had to be for the long and grueling season ahead. The coaching staff had done their job, “Find a way to keep the momentum, turn up the aggression and play as a cohesive unit.”  It all starts with a few words of wisdom and that is one of the many things they were known for.

*Some of the names in this story have been changed to protect those involved.

Reins Hagglemeyer

The Written Word, Poetry

Musings From The Thought Machine

No Comments 03 August 2012

How Are You Today?

“Stop being a fucking douchebag.” Is what I say internally to 98% of the people I come in contact with.
“How about I find you a tall tree and some short rope and you do us a favor and take a dive.  I”ll do you a favor and bury you beneath our favorite tree.” I think about others.

“If I threw you this chainsaw could you catch it?” Ponders the thought machine.
Underhand or overhand?  Maybe some sidearm, probably want some variety in the throws to ensure the desired result.  Huh? Chainsaw dodging would be pretty fun to watch:

In this corner we have Rick Irwin (22W-3L-1D) hoping to dethrown reigning champion Jeff Wentzel (18W-0L-0D).  Even with one Arm Rick Irwin is a tough competitor and has a real shot at knocking Jeff off the top of the mountain.
On the other hand Jeff Wentzel is looking better than ever and the STIHL team has been training real hard.

Should probably go get a nice cheese and cracker spread, pepperoni, maybe some banana pepper rings.
Oh yeah, fuck off.

Reins Hagglemeyer


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