Tag archive for "letters to santa experiment"

Shades of Gray

Thomas Mulberry’s Christmas List, Winter 2012

No Comments 19 December 2012

Dear Santa:

I have been a very good boy this year. Does Rudolph like carrots or celery better?

For Christmas I would like: XBox, XBox Call of Duty Black Ops II, a snowboard, Ibanez Grx20 electric guitar and a little brother.

I know I listed a little brother last, but it’s actually very important. I don’t know why I have to be an only child even if Mommy and Daddy are seeing other people. I don’t like Daddy’s new girlfriend, Linda. She never talks to me when I go to see him. But Mommy is always crying when I’m at her house, so sometimes I wish she had Linda. I think Linda would make her happy. I just want everyone to be happy. And a little brother would make me very happy. I could teach him everything I know and would always have someone to play with. Maybe then I wouldn’t get lonely sometimes. I get lonely even when I’m around people. I always get lonely when it snows. Do you like the snow? The snow makes me lonely. And sometimes I wish I could just go outside and lie down and let the snow cover me like a blanket. And it would never stop snowing and I would just be covered and everything around me would be dark so I wouldn’t have to think about anything ever again.

Do you ever get lonely Santa? Do you ever wish you had a little brother or a baby so you wouldn’t ever be lonely again or ever have to think about yourself?

 

Sincerely,

Tommy Mulberry

Shades of Gray

Dear Santa – Jimmy: Brunswick NJ

No Comments 07 December 2012

Dear Santa,

Jimmy Conway here. You might remember me from my mom’s oatmeal chocolate chip cookies last year. The green house on Belt Rustle Lane?

I’m a first time writer but a big time fan. I never wrote in because you always did such a great job every year. Like back in ‘09 – man you nailed it with Donkey Kong: Extreme Jungle Bonanza Extravaganza for XBOX. I didn’t even know it was out yet! But you did, and I had a heck of a time playing it and snacking.

Anyways I decided to write this year because I have an odd request that I’m sure you don’t get all the time and I wanted to make sure you get it right. I just want this one thing – a new friend.

My mom’s been making me eat vegetables for the past three months because she said I’m ‘huskier’ than the other kids. Get this, last Tuesday she basically shoved brussel sprouts down my throat with a wooden spoon. I almost choked. It was pretty awful. Yea.

The problem is all these awful veggies make me toot all the time. And it stinks. Like really smells bad. And now none of my friends even want to be around me. On the playground, in the cloakroom, at cub scout meetings etc. Its no big deal really, I just need a new one. I’m not picky either. Just let him have a pair of sneakers and please, please, please don’t let him throw like a girl.

Well maybe I’ll see you on christmas. This new diet has me up all hours of the night running to the bathroom. So, I’ll see you when I see you.

Jimmy

Shades of Gray

Dear Santa – by Fattie B.

No Comments 06 December 2012

Dear Santa,

Hi. It’s been a while since we last talked. You must get pretty peeved when people send you letters this time of year asking for stuff without so much as a thanks. Sorry about those guys, I never sit at their lunch table. I also have a peanut allergy so I have to sit at the peanut-free table.

Santa, I know you are busy so I’ll cut to the chase. I always ask for cool stuff but I always end up getting itchy, old-fart sweaters that are too tight in the neck. What gives? I am mostly very nice to others and I always wash my hands after doing one’s and two’s. This year I only want ONE thing and if I don’t get it I’m telling everyone at Suzie’s sleepover on January 7th that you are not real.

List:
1. Pillow Pets Dream Lites Snuggly Puppy Dog.

Gotta Run,
Fattie B.

Shades of Gray

Dear Santa – By Reins Hagglemeyer

No Comments 05 December 2012

Dear Santa,

It’s me again.  Do you remember a couple years ago at the Mall of America?  On the cusp of my 26th birthday and 2 weeks away from Christmas I asked you for something and you told me it was not possible due to a lack of existence.  We argued for a spell, I told you to shove those jingling bells up your fat red ass and I was eventually dismissed from the great mall.

As usual I’ve been looking towards North Korea for all things Christmas and just wanted to throw out an, “I told you so!”
If you still haven’t heard, the History Institute of North Korea has found a unicorn liar.  Get your elves in gear or shit together or whatever you need to do and get me my fucking unicorn.

Happiest of Holidays,
Reins Hagglemeyer

Shades of Gray

The Shade’s Letters to Santa Experiment

No Comments 05 December 2012

Enthusiasts,

The staff got together over the weekend and we decided we wanted to do something nice for our readers in light of the holiday season. We thought about divy-ing up our collection of cereal box tops and sending an equal amount out to each of our readers. But that wouldn’t do. We wanted more.

We thought about having a grand party and broadcasting it over the internet so all could take part. But given what has been dubbed as the ‘deli meat platter incident’ we can’t afford to have another one of those on our insurance policy.

So, we decided to use our power of the internet to get your letters to santa into his meaty little paws quicker than just sending snail mail to the north pole.

So, send us your missives and we’ll be sure they’re seen by a fat man in a red suit.

The Shade Mgmt


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