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Shades of Gray

Mr. Miserable’s Friday Blast Off!

No Comments 24 August 2012

People,

Lets start with good news. This week the BBC reported on a study that proved people were just as miserable on Mondays than they were on all the other days of the week (save Friday). So, it seems like my life’s work is really taking hold. Next stop….ruining your weekend!

Now, lets get on with it eh?There’s a few thing that chafed my buttcheeks this week:

#1 – Who the hell is this goddam woman that wants to swim from Florida to Cuba? This woman is turning 63 this week AND she’s tried this 3 times before (and failed). Get a grip lady, you’re a senior citizen…act accordingly. Any reasonable human knows that feats of physical strength don’t get easier with age. And a wise man once said – if you can’t win just quit. So, stop costing tax payers and start buying some semi sweet chocolate to bake cookies for the kiddies.

This woman attempted something impossible and used up a massive amount of resources while some other people in legitimately dangerous positions could have died? Oh yea, and you DIDN’T do it. Nice job – America is proud.

#2 – And speaking of old people being worthless…did you read about this story from Spain? Some looney old lady decided to ‘fix up’ an old mural in her church by painting over an old work of art. Doris, this isn’t arts and crafts night at Michaels. The old bat literally just started painting over a masterpiece. The church has brought in some restoration specialists but they’re not optimistic. Attention old people – you’ve lived your life. Stay home and out of our hair.

Moving on.

#3 – Homeless people in Boston sum up America’s problem.

Lets get some context shall we? I used to walk by a heady and well-spoken homeless man that bared a striking resemblance to Mark Twain every day. I found him charming because he waxed poetic about not having any good excuse for asking for money but he was being honest in his pitch.

At first I found the charm of the new approach alluring I’d rather crumple up dollar bills and throw them at my cat before giving to the needy). But, after the 5th time hearing it, it started feeling very similar to watching a show for the 50th time in syndication and not laughing at the parts you once laughed at. At the 100th time hearing it I was disappointed in America.

Not only has our economy become so complacent with making money by producing nothing, but our homeless people feel the same! I don’t know which is more entitled and, ergo, disappointing.

It used to be that if you wanted a good indication of a society’s values you should take a look at their penal system – in essence how does a society treat its most troubled and dangerous members. Nowadays I feel like our homeless population (at least in Boston) sums up our national issues more accurately, which is ‘Give me something for nothing so i can sit around and do more nothing’. Great job guys, keep it up

Indifferently,

Mr. Miserable

Shades of Gray

Mr. Miserable’s Friday Blast Off

No Comments 13 July 2012

Ok ok,

I hope you’re all having a ‘great time’ this summer.

Its hot as hell, I can barely breathe and evidently Americans have a third-world mentality when it comes to body odor. Normally I wouldn’t care because I don’t want to come within 10 feet of you or your loved ones. But as I depend on public transportation every day I’m forced to mingle.

Other than the heat there’s three other points that are chapping my buttcheeks this week.

#1 – This whole Daniel Tosh debacle. Ok, if you’re enough of a fan of Tosh to go to his live performance a rape joke completely surprises you? This is the same guy that showed the bursting of an elephants inner digestive track on his show right? Get a grip. If you don’t like his humor, thats cool. Its America….don’t pay to go see him or contribute to his viewers by watching his show. As Patton Oswalt so astutely pointed out a comedian’s act is just that – an act. Would you get mad at Brad Pitt if he really nailed a role where he was playing a rapist? (and he would kill it)

#2 – The Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorce. I’ll be honest, when this thing broke I was psyched (and that happens 1-2 times a year). I thought Scientologists would be descending onto the streets in flying carpets to steal the souls of the true heathens. Sadly, they’ve been largely mum. Poor form. What I don’t want to see is major news outlets shoving pictures of Katie Holmes and her rat kid enjoying the zoo in my face.

#3 – Rubberneckers. I’m sure most of you are doing a good amount of driving this summer right? We’re all broke and can’t fly anywhere so its our only option. You’ve no doubt found yourself setting in mind-numbing traffic for hours just to eventually find out the cause of  your frustration is a fender bender. This is potentially reason #1 why I hate people. Rubbernecking is a disgusting and disappointing indictment on human nature and you should all be ashamed. If you would just listen to Harry Belafonte on long rides you wouldn’t be concerned with anything that happens outside the car because the rhythm inside the car would be too dense and all consuming.

Anyways, I hear West Nile is back in town. So perhaps things are looking up?

I would hate you so much more if I actually cared.

Mr. Miserable


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