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The Do’s & Don’ts for Labor Day Weekend

Comments Off 30 August 2016

Enthusiasts,

If you’re like me you can’t put this summer in the rearview mirror quick enough. Am I right? Sweet Moses Malone was it a hot one! But fear not, sitting right in front of us is the perennial Gateway to Autumn. Ah, yes – Labor Day Weekend.

Now, I’m sure you’ve got lots of irons in the fire what with Back-to-School in full swing and Old Navy’s sale on jean jackets. SO, we wanted to put together a quick list of Do’s & Don’ts heading into the weekend to both help maximize your fun levels and help you steer clear of any awkward moments.

Here goes:

Do:

  1. Beat the traffic. The last thing you want to do is spend a significant amount of time in the car. Make a plan and get after it early.
  2. Bring a snack. The worst case scenario is you don’t eat it. Perhaps you could even feed a stray dog and really make his/her day?
  3. Wear sunscreen – and lots of it. It’s too late in the season to tango with a burn.
  4. Have a few regrets – it’ll give you something to think about over the winter
  5. Say something nice about Ryan Lochte. He really needs a friend right now.

Don’t:

  1. Eat anything new. Epipens are now 600 dollars. Stick to the basics, save yourself a bundle.
  2. Drive once you get there. The most common case of this is picking up a friend. Don’t. Tell that friend to screw. Cops are everywhere and have nothing better to do than watch porn in their cruisers or bust you for having a few casuals.
  3. Commit to weekend plans through September. Didn’t you learn anything this summer? You won’t keep them. You’ll never keep them.
  4. Wait to fill up your gas tank until the weekend. Prices spike on holiday weekends you dummy. Get it done now!
  5. Say anything remotely bad about Beyonce, regardless of how sick of her you are. People are nutzo about this. Seriously you’ll be cast into such a shitstorm you’ll with you kept your mouth shut. Keep it to yourself and it’ll be smooth sailing.

Be safe out there!

 

Shades of Gray

Sexy Memoirs Chapter 12: Teamwork

Comments Off 18 August 2016

She showed up with her friend and of course the pessimistic in me starts to multiply the bar tab by 2.  It wasn’t until the 3rd round of shots interweaving with the dreadful amount of dubstep that I realized why the +1 was brought along.

For she had shared her tall tales of our sexual adventures with her just-as stunning-blonde friend compelling her to join us in inking another chapter into our book of fables.  My excitement quickly gets lost, though, while playing it safe – careful to not give one too much attention.

It isn’t until the face sitting and salvation came into play that i was able to get my flag to full mast. With the combination of their lust and my desire I suddenly found myself in a scene from a movie, and I’m not talking Pixar, although there was a woody.

It didn’t take long before they were passing it off like a baton in a relay race.  When cotton-mouth set in for one contender it was a telling sign that we were close to the finish line. Just as the Prince of Time was about to roll the credits we got the satisfying finish we all worked so hard for… with high fives, pearl medals and a spaghetti dinner.

Teamwork does, in fact, make the dream work.


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