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Rayburn Re-asserts Himself As A Hero (Again)

0 Comments 02 February 2015


What a weekend eh? That Super Bowl blew my mind. The Championship is coming back to New England. We’re bracing for another FOOT of snow. And, most importantly, The Shade’s own Rayburn Schiltz took the better part of an hour yesterday morning to reassert himself as a bonafide hero.

The Setting

As part of The Shade’s commitment to dedicate <1% of our time to fitness the staff decided to engage with the Super 5K in Narragansett RI. The whole gang was there save Reins who picked up a knee niggle a few weeks back while arm wrestling for a ham on rye (here’s hoping he’ll be ready for broomball next week).

When asked how he prepared for the run Rayburn replied: “Not only did I have a hard boiled egg this morning, I trained in the snow, Rocky 4 style“. Possibilities = Endless.

With the wind whipping off the the bay and people excessively washing their hands in the only small bathroom available – bladders were strained and people were getting anxious. A perfect setting for Rayburn to excel.

The Event

A mitten malfunction caused me to lose track of time and before I could initiate my Whitney Houston playlist the shot rang out and the race was underway. Zing!

For me, participating in these types of events is an exercise in survival. Not for Rayburn though. He enters a Zen frame of mind. Things slow down, ideas and concepts crystallize in the amber.

Starting slow and steady all the spectators were keeping a close eye on The Shade’s Foot Soldiers to keep their fingers on the pulse. With a shimmy roger, Rayburn separated himself from the pack. One just assumes Billy Ocean was blaring.

Fighting gravity and general unease the pack gained on Rayburn and yet he persisted. At it’s most challenging, Rayburn came face to face (er, bum) with a woman who refused to buy the appropriate size spandex.

At moments like this lesser men succumb to fatigue, disgust and crumble. But as Rayburn always says – “When life gives you quince, you make ambrosia”. And that’s exactly what he did – he put his head down, dug deep, coughed and pushed on.

The crowd took a collective gasp.


With a quarter mile left, spectators locked in on his progress as he shot through The Towers. He had the end in sight. Performances like this inspire a nation. As such a soft rumble emerged from the crowd:

“Rayburn, Rayburn”

Unaffected, Rayburn focused on his wheeze and awkward gait. Only in his final sprint did he notice the throngs of people chanting his name.

“Rayburn, Rayburn”

Always wanting to please his fans, he gave the people what they wanted and started to shed layers.



A Legend Was Made

Upon finishing Rayburn was approached by race officials to talk about run times. With the shake of the hand Rayburn turned them away just saying “I’m not interested, I know I can do better“. Confused and contemplative the volunteer shuffled off with a new perspective on things.

Not wanting to be the center of attention Rayburn kept running right into the Atlantic – both to cool off and give some of the young guys the limelight.



The Banquet

At the following banquet Rayburn was good enough to sign some autographs, eat a few rolls and discuss localized energy grids.

We learned a lot today. Not least of which was Rayburn, reminding us yet again, that he is a bonafide hero.

The Staff.


- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.

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