Ask Norman

A New Ask Norman….Wow!

0 Comments 03 May 2013

Dear Norman,

On my latest travels I was able to see the care that is taken in different aspects around The Shade headquarters and was hoping you would be able to shed some light on a couple of bugaboos I’ve been having in my personal life.  Let’s start off with socks; I have slightly pronated feet which causes the socks to wear out on the balls of the feet rather quickly.  To try and compensate you’ll sometimes see me walking only on my heels, which can cause wearing on the heels.  Next let’s tackle boxers.  The problem is related but not the same.  There isn’t as much of a wearing down of the material as the elastic band stretching out.  To avoid spending the astronomical amounts of money replacing these items as frequently as I do I was hoping you could offer some insight on how to maintain them a little better and perhaps advice on when the correct time is to replace the aforementioned items.

Thanks for your thoughtfulness,

Wore Down in Wichita

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Dear Wore Down,

Thanks for reaching out.

Your foibles, while unfortunate, are not insurmountable. First things first – lets talk feet. I’m like you in that I have terrible issues with my feet. However, my problem is with my body’s seemingly relentless ability to produce foot odor that can (and has) cleared the deli at Schnitzers at rush hour and compelled homeless people to not accept my pittance. Therefore, I dispose of socks long before their durability becomes an issue. As such, I decided to consult my friend Lamont Cranston whom is a podiatrist of sorts. His response is below (transcribed word-for-word)

This motherfucker has what? Pronated feet? I ain’t never heard of that shit but it sounds bad. Tell him to check out Dr. Scholls. I heard he’s done some great work. But if its as bad as it sounds I’d advise that boy to just stay home. Maybe get some popsicles and hooch.

I found it good advice. I hope you do too.

Now on to your undergarments issue. Might I suggest wearing none? Such a bold move does have it’s drawbacks. There’s chafing –  no laughing matter. There’s also the indignity of reaction when biology overcomes rational thought and you sprout an erection. This could or could not be a problem depending on office politics. Either way powder is a must.

If the proposed approach is too sassy and forthcoming for you I have one final suggestion. While attending last month’s underpants convention in Tuscaloosa as a guest speaker I took note of a new line from clothier Champion which seemed to be rugged and robust. Perhaps start there?

Yours in comfort,

Norm.

- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.


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