Top Ten

The Shade’s Top 10 Life Changing ‘Firsts’

0 Comments 08 February 2013


A wise man once said that life is just a series of moments. As we all know some of those moments have more resonance than others. When The Shade staff got together to discuss such moments we realized 2 things. Many of the most impressionable moments we experienced had to do with private parts & none of us would want to live any of those moments again.

I don’t know if that speaks more to the gravity of these moments or the perversity of the staff. As a resolution we decided to order chinese.

This week we present you with The Shade’s Top 10 Life Changing ‘Firsts’

10. The first time you get rejected by the opposite sex (or really anyone for that matter) – It takes you down a peg. You start to look at yourself in a new light and new imperfections emerge.

9. The first time you discover your dad’s porn collection – Your parents become more human and – in a way – you can related to them more while looking at them from a new perspective.

8. The first time you get fired – The amazing feeling that you do not have to go to that shitty job ever again. And, life goes on.

7. The first time hearing a friend’s parents have sex (related to # 9) – Staying over your friends house and hearing his parents go to pound town. Always traumatizing but the first time you realize that parents are people as well.

6. The first time you get injured pretty badly – Feeling real pain for the first time immediately makes you recognize visceral emotions. You hurt, and want to get better. You also (if you have a brain in your head) start to become subconsciously more cautious.

5. The first time you visit a foreign country – You realize everything you’ve known is not the center of the universe. You realize you’re a small part of something bigger and you most likely eat much better food.

4. The first time you realized you were terribly, terribly wrong – When you realize that you totally fucked up and everything that is happening right now is all on you. Accountability starts to rear its ugly head.

3. The first time you cash a paycheck you earned – Bringing your first pay check to the bank. Putting $10 in saving and taking the rest to buy awesome shit like Ninja throwing stars.

2. The first time you have sex – This comes in levels. First hand induced, mouth induced, and finally private part induced. At this point this is really your first lesson in teamwork.

1. The first sip of alcohol – The first time you lie and say you are staying at Jay’s house but really stay at Jen’s and end up with a whole number of firsts. Not to mention a whole lifetime of bad decisions you’ll make as a result of that sip.

- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.

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