Dear Santa,

It’s me again.  Do you remember a couple years ago at the Mall of America?  On the cusp of my 26th birthday and 2 weeks away from Christmas I asked you for something and you told me it was not possible due to a lack of existence.  We argued for a spell, I told you to shove those jingling bells up your fat red ass and I was eventually dismissed from the great mall.

As usual I’ve been looking towards North Korea for all things Christmas and just wanted to throw out an, “I told you so!”
If you still haven’t heard, the History Institute of North Korea has found a unicorn liar.  Get your elves in gear or shit together or whatever you need to do and get me my fucking unicorn.

Happiest of Holidays,
Reins Hagglemeyer