Features, Ask Norman

Ask Norman – A New Submission!

0 Comments 15 August 2012

Dear Norman,

Loved your appearance at Kasper Hauser’s House of Books last week.

Here’s the rub:

My girlfriend has really been hassling me about my snack choices when we go to the movies. She always says she doesn’t want anything and then….bam! Half of my box of jujubees are gone :(.,,,,and she complains about them the whole time. I’ve tried to get things I know she doesn’t like but she eats them anyways. Then complains….how should I handle this?

Left wanting in Waukesha

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Dear Wanting,

As you may have guessed this is far from the first time that cinema unbalance has reared its ugly head. I once did a picture of C. Everett Happenstance in the deserts of Tunisia. August – 1959. I was promised assistance and an ample repository to suffice my constitution. I received neither, and persevered.

My point is this: You must understand the source of your frustration. In my case…I was hotter than an inner thigh in the middle of a heat wave. So I cooled off with iced quinine with gin and grapes.

My friend, if you’re hungry the answer is easy. You smuggle in snacks of your choice and replenish on trips to the men’s room at slow points in the film. They all have them, believe me.

If you fear the notion of sharing you must weigh all options and determine if prudence is the right course of action. And it normally is.

Weighing my options,

Norm.

- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.


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