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Mr. Miserable’s Friday Blast Off!

0 Comments 01 June 2012

Zombie Apocalypse?! Please. You people make me sick. Another sign on the road to America’s collapse? Perhaps. But End of Days? No way. I’m not that lucky.

Listen: As Americans its our god-given right to have too much time to fuck around with. I’m pretty sure its written somewhere in The Constitution.

For some of us, taking drugs is a fun-filled activity to waste some of that time. But Jesus, huffing bath salts and gnawing on someone’s face afterwards? There’s plenty of more productive ways to spend your time after tapping into the amber super highway. Like truly exploring Stevie Wonder’s entire catalog, or logging in a few episodes of West Wing. I’d even accept spacing out…daydreaming we used to call it back in my day. At least you’d be chasing some original thoughts in that noodle of yours (hopefully).

I was almost impressed with this bath salts phenomenon a few years ago when it first came across my desk. I thought it was an indicator of some good ole-fashioned American Ingenuity for our youth. At least you were putting your intellectual curiosity into some kind of pursuit – even if it was chemically-induced mind altering. But hey, I can dig it!

Then I turn my back for one minute and you nitwits go eating people’s faces getting everyone upset. Given the recent influx of zombie related entertainment I can’t think of anything MORE cliche. Have a little more creativity for christ’s sake.

As American Youth’s creative drive goes down the toilet the so-called American Dream isn’t too far behind. I don’t know the exact reason(s) behind this demise but I’ve got a few thoughts:

Overstimulation. Sensory overload. We have some much going on we don’t know where to start so we clutch for the only thing thats easy and gives some instant results. Internet porn, huffing bath salts…you name it. We’ve got tunnel vision for the road easiest traveled. Its like we’re listening to John Scofield with headphones on wearing a good buzz getting caught up in a 25 minute rift to nowhere. Come on people, we’ve got to remember to change the track every once in awhile.

In unrelated news – if you ever liked The Dropkick Murphys you should be ashamed of yourself. If you STILL like them please kill yourself.

I’m heading up to the northwoods this weekend so I don’t have to see any of you people. If I run into flesh-eating zombies I’ll be sure to give him a good ole fashioned joint and tell him to clean up his/her/its act.

I hope you all experience some disappointment in the near future.

Indifferently,
Mr. Miserable

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