Mr. Miserable’s Friday Rant – Special Memorial Day Edition!

0 Comments 25 May 2012

Whoa oh oh. THREE DAY WEEKEND! Big. Fucking. Deal.

Plans for the weekend? Yeah i got some: not talking to numbskulls like you. I don’t want to see you when I’m on the clock so I sure as shit don’t want to see you in my FREE time.

Another thing thats been eating away at me his week is goddam facebook (still). I don’t want to think about it but every time I open up my computer to look up a recipe for stuffed peppers I’m inundated with the newest piece of shit factoid about last week’s IPO. Can we please stop talking about Zuckerfuck and the Shit Stick Trio already? If you’re on facebook you’re a loser, if you’re not nobody loves you. Lets all get over ourselves so we can get back to being self-involved – THE OLD FASHIONED WAY – like trying to one up your neighbor or treating your pets like kids. Which leads me to my next point.

To people who talk to their dogs like children: get a grip or kill yourself. The choice is yours and I honestly couldn’t care less either way. You and I both know we’ve got to start slimming the population if we want mankind to be sustainable long term. I couldn’t think of a better first step than you offing yourself.

Lastly, as a public service, I’ve got something to say to all the girls out there sporting mustaches. You know who you are. If you think you might have one, you do. Listen, all your friends are too chicken shit to tell you so  – like most things – the responsibility falls to me. Clean yourself up. If you take that gerbil off your face and put a skirt on from time to time you might just have an opportunity to let the people under the stairs out – if you know what I mean.

In no particular order here are the various other odds and ends that made my crap list this week:

  • Humidity – It’ll be here this weekend and for the next 3 months. Hello moist under carriage!
  • David Arquette – I dare you to watch his performance in Airheads and not want engage in violence after
  • William F. Buckley – What a pompous prick
  • People that say or write ‘Cheers’ – We’re not British and why the fuck would we ever want to be?
  • You – as always

Enjoy getting rained out this weekend.

Mr. Miserable


- who has written 8 posts on The Shade.

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