Ask Norman

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0 Comments 03 May 2012

Dear Norm,

There is something that has happened in the past and although it spurred some thinking at the time after dissipation I paid it no mind.  However, this past weekend there was an episode that left me unconscious for approximately 20 minutes with a good knot on my melon.  Norm, why is it that “shower farts” seem exponentially worse than any kind of other fart?

I appreciate your insight,

Waning in Walla Walla

___________________________________________________________

Dear Waning,

It is a conundrum no doubt. But condensation is sticky, dense and the nastiest thing you know. The fog makes darkness deeper and the sunshine murkier and somehow meekly sparse. If you enter fart scents into the oblivion it doesn’t stand a chance. It grows, multiplies, transmogrifies and attacks the nostril. In my completely expert amateur opinion I feel like the moist, sticky heat takes ‘the stank’ and amplifies it.

But fear not!

I recommend embracing it and here’s how. Follow these steps:

When its time release, release – its healthy

  • If it gets to be too much hang your bum outside the shower and release
  • Turn the water off and inhale
  • Brace yourself and accept
  • This is your scent
  • This is how it should be

Very similar to when you started drinking alcohol it may sting at first but you’ll come to yearn for it. Your confidence will draw the female kind to it. When that happens you’ll win. And win big.

Here’s to being you,

Norm.

- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.


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