Top Ten

Top 10 Things To Do While Waiting For Your Porn To Buffer

0 Comments 09 March 2012

Beautiful people,

With the advent of the internet we truly have an embarrassment of riches at our disposal when it comes to satisfying our carnal desires behind closed doors. At the click of a mouse we can surf between two buxom co-eds wrestling over the right to please their pert English prof or watch a sexier-than-usual octogenarian cross his/her legs for 45 minutes in HD. In essence, whatever blows your skirt up. Ahhh, America!

But with access to high speed internet not as well spread as we all might like there comes a time when you’re waiting, watching that all too teasing word “Buffering….” on your screen. In those moments of contemplative solitude The Shade would like to offer some advice on how to best spend the time.

Consider it a Public Service Announcement.

Struggling towards greatness in a world of mediocrity,

The Shade Mgmt.

Top Ten Things To Do While Your Porn Is Buffering

10. Double-check no one’s home

9. Sit on your hand

8. Ruminate over your inevitable autoerotic asphyxiation (thanks a lot iPad!)

7. Think about some other regrets

6. Do 20 push-ups for virility – if you can’t do yourself right who can you do?

5. Light some candles & turn up Al Green’s Greatest Hits to set the mood

4. Open up CNN.com in a new browser in case of emergency

3. Look through your neighbors window

2. Warm up the shower

1. Triple-check no one’s home

- who has written 511 posts on The Shade.


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