Features, Ask Norman

Ask Normans Back – Due to Popular Demand!

0 Comments 01 March 2012

Dear Norman,

I recently moved to Huntsville Alabama and, boy, do I have some question! Well let me back up. I guess I should start with My Cousin Vinny. I love that movie! I used to watch it all the time and growing up in a sheltered northern town it was really my first exposure to many southern aspects.

Enter grits.

Surely you remember that scene where Vincent Gambino (played by Joe Pesci) duped that country bumpkin by comparing the time to prepare regular grits vs. instant grips. What cinema!

But anyways…I’ve always been interested in grits. What were they? How did they taste? What was their consistency? And many more.

You can only imagine my excitement when my construction job took me to a 6 month stint in Huntsville.

Well, its been two weeks and 14 diners later I’m yet to find grits. What gives?

Why is it so hard to find grits being served?

Not Whole in Huntsville

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Dearly Whole,

There are a couple of theories floating around kitchens’ inner circles.

The first is more basic.  The process of making grits can be quite extensive and exhausting.  The staff may not want to expand all of the energy necessary for a breakfast dish that most people look at and make a face like they just smelled a pile of hot garbage.

The second is much more likely.  You see, grits are known worldwide to sponsor the Liberal Party of Canada.  In an effort to keep politics out of the kitchen grits have been banned all over the globe from places like Finland to El Salvador.  During a recent speech El Salvadorian Prime Minister Jose Fuentes Barrera came right out and said, “While I am the head of this country no food shall sponsor a political party and no food that sponsors a political party will be endorsed by me or my people.”. Of course this was in Spanish.

This bold statement received a standing ovation and grits from all over the country were brought to the Revolution Monument in San Salvador and burned.

With continued outrage over political support and the growing popularity of “hating on grits” it stands to reason that kitchens in the US have all but stopped serving them.   The economy is in steady decline and not knowing where the next bailout will come from has Americans far and wide abandoning the notion that grits are “worth it.”  The risk of offending foreign nations is much greater than the satisfaction that one gets from a hearty bowl of grits, hominy or otherwise.

What will you be eating for breakfast tomorrow?

Thanks for writing,

Norm

- who has written 512 posts on The Shade.


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